we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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