I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
