and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
kristin has been a bad kristin
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
