so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
