We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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