Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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