using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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