I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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