also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
