My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
