I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
