she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
