there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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