and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
