I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
