Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
