never play flip cup with pint glasses
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
