Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
