so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
