My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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