every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
