defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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