You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
