actually, I'm a sock model
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
