Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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