have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
