Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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