her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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