i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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