I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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