I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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