like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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