dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
