my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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