Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
