I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
