Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
