I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
