so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
