I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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