I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
