I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
