That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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