Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
