what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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