wakey wakey hands off snakey
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
