Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
