I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
