shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
