You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
