we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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