I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
