At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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