yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
