The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
